And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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