is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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