I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
