turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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