i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
