Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
