Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
