eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
