So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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