I hate your face
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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