she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
