somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
