I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
