they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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