She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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