You just made me feel so damn special
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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