when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
