perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
