I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
