I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ruined the universe
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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