Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we should paint friendship bongs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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