Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
