test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
