It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
