pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
