You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
