i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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