"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
