There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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