We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
