I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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