I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
