sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's like heaven, but drunker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
