Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
