mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
