im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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