His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude. I can hear the air.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
