tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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