Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
