Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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