dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
