Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
