yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
