I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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