we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
