I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
