I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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