I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
