Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
