yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
