You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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