1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
