Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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