White coat. Heels.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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