Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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