Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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