I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
