I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
pop tarts are not kleenex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
