I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
