Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
