but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
