I looked at my own cervix.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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