hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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