Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
