I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
