Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
