Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
