I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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